Let me lead off the holiday by saying this: son of a bitch. It's just my luck that literally like two hours after I posted Monday's column News Corps. had to come out and cancel O.J.'s book and TV special. I had wanted to write it last week but of course I was too busy to get to it. Now I look like an idiot. Thanks a lot, Rupert Murdoch. I realize the special and book were ridiculous but you could have at least aired them so that I didn't look like a major douche. What an asshole.

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

This year I figured I'd keep with the holiday spirit and write about some interesting facts about Thanksgiving. Then I thought about it for a minute and realized there's really only two, maybe two and a half, reasons why Thanksgiving is necessary (gluttony, football, and maybe to be thankful for what you have...a little).

What really matters though is the day after Thanksgiving. Ah, good ol' Black Friday. Best Buy, Circuit City, Target, Walmart and a slew of other retailers will be opening their doors as early as 5 a.m. tomorrow for your consumer needs. Because who really needs sleep when there's ridiculous bargains afoot? It'll be hard enough waking up tomorrow after paralyzing yourself with too much food and possible football injuries let alone doing so at the asscrack of dawn. But damnit, those bargains are awesome! Best Buy is selling select DVD's for four bucks! They've got a handful of flat panel HDTV's for under a grand and portable DVD players for 60 bucks. It's insane.

Capitalism never worked better than the day after Thanksgiving. You know all those crazy broads that rush those bridal dress stores when they have that one sale every year? Ok, now add everyone else to that equation and replace "bridal dresses" with super sweet electronics and the multimedia you can jam into them. This is basically what Christmas has come to.

"Yea yea, we know, Jason. Christmas became a Hallmark/yay-capitalism holiday years ago."

But look at it again. From a distance. How many people that celebrate Christmas even bother going to church on Christmas Day? How many people that celebrate Christmas have gone to church in the past year? How many people that celebrate Christmas even consider themselves even remotely religious regardless of what sect of Christianity they're from? It's mindboggling how far the holiday has come from what it's based on. I haven't been to church on Christmas Day since...hell, I can't even remember. I'm going out on a limb and saying nine years ago. Maybe 10.

Not only that but I learned that one of my new coworkers celebrates Christmas...and she's Muslim (!). Exqueeze me? Baking powder? I thought you said your Muslim friend celebrates Christmas. I had to ask her a couple times to make sure I was hearing right. The thing is she's about as Muslim as I am Catholic. She's Persian and Muslim. I'm Italian and Catholic. Technically. But neither one of us really pays attention. It's that exact apathy or indifference or laziness or whatever you want to call it coupled with the fact that Christmas has become nothing more than another excuse to buy a bunch of crap no one really needs (except new boxers and socks, I really do need more of those). So why not? Why can't my friend celebrate Christmas? When asked why she said it was because Christmas is fun. It's true, Christmas is fun. It's fun because get to buy stuff for our family and friends and in turn they buy us stuff. Yea we have dinner and catch up and all that jazz but shouldn't that kind of family stuff happen more often anyway? You know, without the alibi of gift swapping?

The point is...Thanksgiving is quick. Thanksgiving is what it is and as soon as the Chiefs and Broncos end their game tonight it's all about Christmas. The next 30 days are all you have left to buy and spend and buy. And what better way to capitalize on that capitalism then with a blowout sale at every major retailer?

If you're one of those people that "sure as shit doesn't roll on Shabas" then listen here. You know it, I know it, we all know it. Hanukkah is only as popular as it is because somewhere down the line someone complained that all their Christian friends were getting presents for Christmas and they weren't getting squat for Hanukkah. I'm not degrading the holiday but you yourself know it doesn't hold a candle to Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur. But feel free to include yourself in this conversation because to an extent Hanukkah has become just as commercialized. Although I'll give you props for keeping it more kosher than we keep Christmas. So kudos to you. You know I love ya.

So I guess what I'm saying here is this; enjoy the holiday for what it is. Don't enjoy it halfheartedly while really worrying about tomorrow and all the "sick deals" you'll get when you're gorging yourself in the xBox 360 department. Take a break and enjoy your company, the food, the football and the fact that you are able to enjoy all of it. Maybe that sounds sappy but I know I'm thankful that I have the ability to have three rim to rim plates of food with three pieces of pie and five glasses of wine while watching my beloved Cowboys beat the crap out of the Bucs in high definition television. I'll worry about Christmas and the commercialism I have to endure when it matters...on December 23rd.