As you've probably heard by now, O.J. Simpson will be appearing in a two part special airing on Fox next week called "If I Did It, Here's How I'd Do It". This is, of course, referring to the murders of Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman of which Simpson was both acquitted. Those murders happened some 12 years ago and apparently after all the legal battles and what not O.J. has run out of money.

Some people say O.J. has problems staying out of the spotlight. I say the spotlight craves him. Some say that this special (and the supplemental book) is a confession. I laugh at the notion. O.J. confessing to crimes that he's already been acquitted of? That's ridiculous. Why even with the double jeopardy rule that would leave him completely free to confess to the murders, of which we already know he's innocent, O.J. wouldn't gain anything from such a confession besides a smug sense of satisfaction that he's beaten a flimsy court system. And I mean, seriously, what's the fun in that?

No, O.J. is here to help. After all, the search for the real killers that Simpson initiated himself 11 years ago hasn't revealed much - just some cut-up Titleists and some poison ivy. He's taking the next logical step in finding the person or persons who committed those heinous crimes. By reenacting, pardon me...by hypothesizing how the two victims were killed through television, he's letting everyone else out there who may not know much about murders (the man was in a double murder trial for over a year) what clues the real killer(s) may have left behind for us to find. See? It's all so simple. O.J. uses his homicide knowledge to illustrate how the killer or killers probably committed the crimes so that the general public can aid him in finding the real murderer...or murderers.

And not only is O.J. such a giving and helpful soul but he's also looking out for the hearing impaired. Why else would he release a book about the same topic as the television special on the same day? Deaf people can't hear his professional interpretation, his perceptive analysis of these crimes. So he goes the extra mile and writes it all down so everyone, even those without their sense of hearing, can help in the hunt for the self-righteous asshole that murdered his former wife and her mister. Is it "mister"? I know it's "mistress" when it's a woman that the husband is committing adultery with but what is it when the wife is committing the adultery? It's gotta be "mister". I'm sticking with that.

I applaud Mr. Simpson in not giving up the fight. He weathered the storm of a criminal trial, donated millions of dollars to the Goldman family out of his own generosity and even moved to south Florida to leave the fine people of Brentwood without the burden of a double-murder trial spotlight. Lord knows that must've been obnoxious. Mr. Simpson is a very generous man and now he's reaching out once again to help solve the crime 12 people failed to solve themselves 11 years ago. This search is dedicated to you Johnnie Cochran. You're up in Heaven presumably saving other alleged celebrity murderers from the chair. If not for your successful crusade for the truth 11 years ago O.J. couldn't be out there right now...on television...making money...and telling America how he would have killed Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman, you know, had he done it. God bless the American court system and God bless O.J. Simpson.







(Ok, Mr. Simpson, I said what you wanted me to say. When do I get my $5000?)