Underrated

SmashPS3.com - How many of you are or know of someone that was dying to obtain a Playstation 3 this holiday season? As most of you know, only 400,000 units were distributed to the U.S. thus making the frenzy for the new Sony video game console bigger than a chance to win oral pleasure from Tera Patrick or Jenna Jamison (glory hole not included). With so many crazy fans and hopeful gamers waiting in lines around the country at Best Buy's, Circuit City's, and EB World Gamestop's days before the release on November 17th, it's easy to see how those people would be upset if someone managed to get a PS3, hold it up for all to see and then subsequently break the shit out of it. Well, that's what a few guys did. In fact they raised enough money to cover the cost of the game system as well as other expenses and then filmed the event for all to see. If watching gamer geeks freak out while a brand new PS3 that they covet getting destroyed in front of them isn't funny then I don't know what is.

Working Heat - Ok, so this is sort of an indirect nomination. I say this because of this story. A Georgia man got into a fight with his wife on Thanksgiving (he obviously didn't read my article that day) and eventually tried ending the squabble by putting his wife into their oven...while their five kids watched. (Slow clap.) They had left the stove on to warm the house (is this normal in the south?) and Mr. Jackson decided his wife should get a better look at the heating coils. Ya see, I have an oven, too. I don't think I've ever used it though. And I know I've certainly never used it to heat my house. I have a working heating system like (I hope) most Americans. How can you afford to leave the oven on all day but not keep the heat on? Do you even have heating ducts? I'm baffled by this one. All I know is that had Mr. Jackson had proper heating he never would have tried to stuff his wife in the oven thus saving his children the anguish of watching their father bake their mother like the turkey they ate just a few hours before. They could have watched their father beat their mother like the rest of the deadbeat husband and fathers do in this country. Call me old-fashioned...

1% Of The Internet - One percent. If you think about how many websites there are out there, that's a lot. And that one percent is entirely devoted to porn. That's just fantastic isn't it? You may be thinking to yourself, "Man, it feels like it should be a higher number than that." To you I say, "That's because all you do is crank it out to biracialteens4u.com and other porn sites." But I empathize with you. I mean, hell, one percent? Yea, it's a small number percentage wise but hey, it's still more than I'll ever get to.

Overrated

Michael Richards - Really Cosmo? Really?! Everyone knows Michael Richards went off at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood a couple weeks ago. It was ridiculous. It was uncalled for. And it was just plain offensive. And this coming from someone who just recommended a man beat his wife two paragraphs ago! (Kidding, of course) I'm not really sure where this tirade came from but at least Mel Gibson's got his back. He's come out in support of the one-time Seinfeld star. The video of the incident only shows him going off. I don't know what the tirade came from or what he was talking about prior to going off on black people but it doesn't matter. I can only assume Gibson's remarks about the Jews were similar in the offensiveness and sheer volume. Gibson blamed his rant on alcohol. After watching the video I wouldn't be surprised if Richards was hitting the bottle as well. But nevertheless, neither case warrants booze to be the culprit. When you're drunk you don't just belt out those kind of hateful words. They're already inside you. The booze just brings them out. On a good note though, Seinfeld Season 7 DVD sales are high!

Alabama - Yea, I'm just going to go with the whole state on this one. I can't figure out any other way to specify who's to blame for this one. I mean, when I read things about Alabama football fans whispering rumors to each other about highly touted coaches supposedly coming to coach their program based solely on the fact that their "tradition" comes from a twenty year stretch like 50 years ago, you know those people are a bit off. I mean, if you didn't know Alabamans...Alabamians, whatever...were a little off to begin with then maybe you live there. But this story takes the cake. A 19-year-old boy got into a fight with his brother over a girlfriend. Normal enough I suppose. What's not normal is the retaliation. Brother "A" decided to get back at brother "B" by raping their 45-year-old mother. Read that again. The kicker is that their mother was drunk and passed out on the couch and came to with her son presumably pounding away at her. That's right folks, Alabama - The Heart of Dixie!

Pop vs. Soda - I cannot tell you how much this one bothers me. Alabama, you're involved in this one, too. I think that's the first time something has been nominated twice in one Over/Under and both in the Over column. We all know how different regions of the country call soda by a different name. Some call it just plain "soda". Some call it "pop". Some even call it "Coke" despite Coke being a brand name and not a generic label for something. Well, the lovely folks at East Central University of Oklahoma, or as Stephen Colbert would say, "the fightin' Tigers!", took a break from "sooning" and pushing Native Americans off their land to do a little research and come up with a pretty little map breaking down, county by county mind you, how the country refers to soda as. Have a look for yourself. I've already succinctly explained why calling soda "Coke" is stupid but "pop"? Ugh, I think I hate that term just a tiny bit less. I don't know why but "pop" sounds ignorant to me. It sounds like you looked someone pouring some soda into a glass and saw the little bubbles popping and said, "der, them bubbles in the liquid is poppin' 'n junk!!". Obviously that's not how it came about (one prays), but it still makes me think of complete absurdity. You don't call a drink what it does; you call it what it is. I don't call milk "helps maintain healthy bones and teeth" tonic. Nor do I call beer "lowers your standards of the opposite sex while exuding your inner desire to berate minorities" juice. Seriously, people. It's called f**king soda. End the f**king list.