I'll be the first to admit that I think hippies are, generally speaking, annoying drains on society with little idea of how life works beyond planting trees and smoking other "trees". However, in this case I'm willing to sit on their side of the fence. I'm going to list a bunch of quotes from someone and underneath make a quick comment on each. Then I'm going to basically "go off" on this person as only I know how - with full contempt, sarcasm, condescension and most importantly, fact.
Over the course of these quotes, decide for yourself what you think of this person. I will uncover who it is (in case you hadn't figured it out already) in my "rant" of sorts after the quotes. Keep in mind that I am a registered Republican however I am more or less middle-of-the-road on most issues. Now you tell me; does this person not deserve an ending in the vain of The Lottery?
"Liberals love America like O.J. loved Nicole."
- Really? Like O.J. loved Nicole? First of all, how can you prove O.J. ever did love Nicole? Secondly, that is the most retarded statement I've ever heard. And I've said some pretty retarded things, drunk or otherwise. 99% of the people that live in America love America, warts [read: fundamentalists] and all. That's why they're here. If they didn't they'd leave.
"[Canadians] better hope the United States doesn't roll over one night and crush them. They are lucky we allow them to exist on the same continent."
- Yea, as funny as that statement is, it's only funny because we sane Americans are only busting the proverbial balls of our friends up north. It's not funny when some dumb broad fully believes it.
"I think the government should be spying on all Arabs, engaging in torture as a televised spectator sport, dropping daisy cutters wantonly throughout the Middle East, and sending liberals to Guantanamo."
- We should also round up all the Asians in this country and forcefeed them chickens with the Bird Flu and make all black people sit at the back of the bus. No, better yet, let's bring back slavery! Yea, that sounds like a capital idea.
"I take the Biblical idea. God gave us the earth. We have dominion over the plants, the animals, the trees God says, 'Earth is yours. Take it. Rape it. It's yours.'"
- Ya know, I've never actually read the whole Bible. And by "whole" I mean 97% of it. But I'm pretty sure nowhere within the text does it say or imply anything remotely close to "the Earth is yours to rape." Just a guess though.
"[Liberals] are always accusing us of repressing their speech. I say let's do it. Let's repress them. ... Frankly, I'm not a big fan of the First Amendment."
- Yea, that whole not-being-slaughtered for saying "I dislike [insert anything that disagrees with someone else]" thing is soooo overrated.
"A central component of liberal hate speech is to make paranoid accusations based on their own neurotic impulses, such as calling Republicans angry, hate-filled, and mean."
- Whatever gave liberals that idea?
"It would be a much better country if women did not vote. That is simply a fact. In fact, in every presidential election since 1950 — except Goldwater in '64 — the Republican would have won, if only the men had voted."
You know what? That's an excellent point Ms. Coulter. Can I call you Ann? Ok, Ann. I'd call you Satan but then I think I'd insult him. So Ann, maybe you have a point there. You know, considering you've illegally manipulated the voting system yourself. It seems you can't follow the simple guidelines for voting in this country seeing as how you're under investigation for voter fraud in Florida.
Yea, on February 7 of this year Ann voted outside of her designated precinct in Florida...which is a felony. She also allegedly registered to vote with her real estate agent's address as opposed to her own last year. Election officials are demanding she explain the discrepancy.
Let's see, what else have you done or said that nominates you for Douchebag of the Year (replacing one Tucker Carlson, of course)?
Oh, right. How about her views on Arabs and Muslims!? I'll let her do the talking.
In an article written a day after the September 11, 2001 attacks (in which her friend Barbara Olson was killed), she wrote, "Airports scrupulously apply the same laughably ineffective airport harassment to Suzy Chapstick as to Muslim hijackers. It is preposterous to assume every passenger is a potential crazed homicidal maniac. We know who the homicidal maniacs are. They are the ones cheering and dancing right now. We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity. We weren't punctilious about locating and punishing only Hitler and his top officers. We carpet-bombed German cities; we killed civilians. That's war. And this is war."
Really? Killing civilians is justified because you're too lazy to meticulously inspect all Arabs and their neighborhoods during warfare? That makes sense. You're right Ann, it is "impossible to assume that every passenger is a potential crazed homicidal maniac", however, that doesn't mean we can insensitively and offensively stereotype all Arabs as the only people who want to blow up our country. Ever hear of John Walker? And killing all Arab countries' leaders and converting every Muslim to Christianity is a completely sane plan. Really, that's fantastic. Especially when you don't even know what Christianity means or entails.
In her brand new book "Godless: The Church of Liberalism", Coulter says in a footnote, "Throughout this book, I often refer to Christians and Christianity because I am a Christian and I have a fairly good idea of what they believe, but the term is intended to include anyone who subscribes to the Bible of the God of Abraham, including Jews and others."
Hmm, last time I checked Christians and Jews were separate. True, they do share some common beliefs but I'm pretty sure that whole Jesus crucifixion thing was one of the reasons there's a f**king difference. Oh, and how about this for good measure...
Ann also criticizes the Episcopal Church in "Godless", saying, "Howard Dean left the Episcopal Church -- which is barely even a church -- because his church, in Montpelier, Vermont, would not cede land for a bike path."
I'm not even sure what that means - the whole bike path reference. Why should any building cede land for a bike path? It's a f**king bike path. Who cares? Bikes can go anywhere; go around the church. Isn't that state full of forests? Make a new path already. But the main idea of not even considering one of the churches under the umbrella of Christianity to be a legit sect is ridiculous. Just because you don't agree with it doesn't mean it's wrong. Put it this way, you can't prove any religion is right or wrong because basically all of them are based upon myths and stories that have been so distorted over time through transcriptions like a bad game of telephone that followers may very well be believing in something completely different than originally written. This broad has "incompetent hypocrite" written all over her. Now that's a lot of Sharpie.
(Keep in mind I'criticizingng no one's right to whatever religion they choose. But at least I know the freakin' difference between them all.)
Now don't worry African-Americans - we haven'forgottenon about you! Ann's had some not-so-flattering words for you as well. Ann said this in her book, "How To Talk To a Liberal."
"And why does native African kinte cloth get a free pass [from liberals]? It is a historical fact that American slaves were purchased from their slave masters in Africa, where slavery exists in some parts to this day. Indeed, slavery is the only African institution America has ever adopted. But while some Americans express pride in their slave-trading ancestors by calling themselves "African-Americans" and donning African garb, pride in Confederate ancestors is deemed a hate crime. Perhaps, in a bid for the Catholic vote, Democrats could demand that those Masonic symbols be removed from the Great Seal of the United States. And how about the American eagle? The eagle is a bird of prey and hence offensive to rodents, a key Democrat constituency."
First off, let me say that slavery isn't the only thing we've taken from Africa. Just off the top of my head there's language, music, and of course the tall lanky fellow who co-starred with Kevin Bacon in the basketball comedy The Air Up There. All kidding aside, that point was retarded.
Now as for her other "point" in that quote, the reason we accept African-American ancestry garb and not Confederate ancestry garb is because...wait, am I even explaining this? Could she really not figure out that white people were enslaving black people for 400 years? That is a bad thing, Ann. The people that "have pride" in Confederate ancestry are the people that end up swigging moonshine, impregnating their cousin and winding up on "Jerry Springer"...not necessarily in that order. There is no pride in that. (Yes, I'm making a sweeping generalization here. If you're from the south and not a crazy hick that embraces his or her slave-owning roots then you're exempt.)
Let's see, Ann, who else can you offend with ridiculous rhetoric?
Ann's also had a rough go of it at universities she's spoken at. Someone threw a pie at her at the University of Arizona - don't know what flavor. She got booed so loudly at the University of Connecticut that she had to end her speech early and take questions while saying, "I love to engage in repartee with people who are stupider than I am." And the cherry on top - she told an extremely divided audience at Indiana University that "liberals hate both God and America" as well as calling a male student with an effeminate voice a "gay boy". Nothing like a little gaybashing and belittling to rope in the respect and admiration, eh?
That's right, Ann, try to make everyone feel that they are stupider than you. That's how you get people to subscribe to your viewpoints. I emphasize "try" since she tends to not only have her facts wrong but say everything with complete disregard for sensitivity or tact. How about one more anecdote before we call it a night?
Remember 9/11? How could you not? Many people lost their lives at the World Trade Center disaster and many of the widows questioned why it happened and how our government could let it happen. They pushed for the 9/11 Commission, were critical of U.S. security policies, expressed a possibility that President Bush was somehow responsible (Google Loose Change), and subsequently voted for John Kerry in 2004. What did Ann think of this?
"These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by grief-arazzis. These self-obsessed women seemed genuinely unaware that 9/11 was an attack on our nation and acted as if the terrorist attacks happened only to them. ... I've never seen people enjoying their husbands' deaths so much."
Now you get the allusion and mockery I was making earlier with all the "broad" references. But wait, there's more...
"And by the way, how do we know their husbands weren't planning to divorce these harpies? Now that their shelf life is dwindling, they'd better hurry up and appear in Playboy."
Mmmm, yea. Taste the sweet, sweet whorebag-ocity coming out of her mouth. That's good stuff. Good but rich. I can only take so much before I puke all over myself from over-indulgence.
A few more facts about Ann before we go: she enjoys a Grateful Dead show or two, is a fan of Chris Rock's brand of humor, and fancies a short skirt. America, does not fancy her in short skirts, however. Her bony legs will attest to that. Hey, Ann, Big Bird called; he said he wants his legs back!
But seriously, Ann, you're a filthy hatemongering whore who has nothing better to do than make distasteful, bitterly biased without evidence remarks for the sole purpose of hearing yourself and causing a raucous while trying to sell some shitty book. No comment you've ever made holds water, warrants anyone to listen nor anyone to give a rat's ass. You are a disease of the media and Satan himself would surely say you are evil. If I had it my way, your head would be one of the dozens in a cardboard box on the side of an Iraqi road. The little you do do is give something both sane conservatives and liberals can agree upon. And that, my dear, is the sentiment that you are no better than the terrorists. You're an extremist with few values and fewer fibers of respectable content in your body than there are WMD's in Iraq. Do us all a favor and say "hi" to Kurt Cobain. Don't forget to tape it for Consumption Junction and my 2006 Christmas e-card.
No comments:
Post a Comment