We've all heard the term "add insult to injury" before. However usually there's neither an injury or an insult. Well, in this case, there's both. A 47 year-old man tried to kill himself in Berlin, Germany recently by jumping in front of a freight train. Note the word "tried". You see, the depressed man in question jumped just a hair too late.
Had the man timed his jump correctly I can only assume he would have been squished flat against the nose of the train, peel off and fall to the ground like a piece of printer paper, and sulk away in a comic fashion. That or he would have died on impact and been crushed to bits. But really, that's just splitting hairs.
The man did not perish though. Instead, he leapt too late and crashed through the side window of the cabin and startled the conductor so much that he is now on leave for several weeks. The would-be corpse suffered minor head injuries and nothing else.
Now the man did not technically break any laws by failing to commit suicide (although he did nearly break my funny bone when I read about how much of a loser he is that he can't even kill himself, ha!). However, Berlin does have a civil code (apparently that's German for "law") that states he would be responsible for paying for the broken window. Mmmmm, taste the sweet, sweet irony.
The kicker to this little tail is the headline for the Yahoo news story where I found this was "A Great Incentive to Succeed the Next Time." You said it, sister.
Moving along now...
Immigration is a hot-button issue. Everybody's got their opinion and there's really no easy answer for the whole thing...well, as long as you don't listen to me there isn't. Now there's some more kindling for the fire.
The popular cell phone company, Cingular, had to recently pull a ringtone from their website due to it being racially offensive and insensitive. The $2.49 ringtone starts with a siren and then a man speaking in a southern drawl saying, "This is la Migra (slang for U.S. Border Patrol). Por favor, put the oranges down and step away from the cell phone. I repeat-o, put the oranges down and step away from the telephone-o. I'm deporting you back home-o."
Now, stop laughing for a second and notice something that's even funnier than the "repeat-o" and "home-o" pseudo-words - the freakin' ringtone cost $2.49! Really? Only $2.49 for that racial insult to be the ring on my phone when someone calls? Is there a group rate if I get all the Republicans to sign up at once? (Keep in mind that I am technically a registered Republican.)
All kidding aside, how in God's name did this get posted on Cingular's site? Is there no filter? Sure it's a funny ringtone. But only because it makes fun of the ridiculous people that made it and those who sincerely believe in its message. By the way, notice how I capitalized the G for you uber-christians. Who loves ya?
Maybe I should record my own ringtones and submit them so that eight people can download them. (Yea, only eight people downloaded this ringtone in the two plus months it was available.) Here are a couple examples of stuff I'd love to hear play when my phone's "blowin' up."
Yo yo yo, chickity check ya crazy negro asses. Ya'll betta be up in my cotton fields o der's no fried chicken in yer trough when you is done. Word.
or...
Listen queers, I'd love to stay and keep ringin' but ya'll probably got this here thing on vibrate too and I ain't fixin' to get stuck up no asses today. Do me a heavy and go drink the stuff under the sink, ya homos!
Anyone up for paying $2.49 for one of those ringtones? No? Ok, then stop f**king letting people upload them to your site Cingular, you dumb motherf**kers! Here's a ringtone I just made up for all you incompetent boobs at Cingular and any supporter of the original anti-immigrant ringtone:
Take your head outta your ass and realize you are polluting the gene pool with your ignorant cracker asses. Do us all a favor and move to Darfur or maybe South Africa so you can get infected with AIDs so the poor African people can have a break.
Stay in school, kids.
Love, C-Punch.
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