Stickin' It To the Naysayers

Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you are a nut. And in the case of recent a CPunchworld anti-fan, the latter applies.

I got an email from a reader that simply read, "you suck balls." I laughed and asked the person to elaborate and if I was supposed to know them or not. At first she (of course it's a girl) claimed she found CPunchworld randomly. Then she later admitted to being a friend of a mutal friend of ours. Without getting into the dirty-dirty of the situation between me and the mutal friend, this girl tried insulting me with empty threats, big words, and correcting my grammar. The email conversation took an entire day and I gotta tell you, it made me laugh pretty damn hard.

Basically, I feel really bad for our mutual friend because this girl is just some crazy, hypocritical f**ktard. This girl attacked me without knowing who I was merely because she felt I didn't want to take the friendship with the mutal friend to the next level. That's as much as I can say without getting into the details while letting you understand the story better. If you'd like to check out this girl's bio click here to take a peek at her Myspace profile. From that and the idiocy displayed throughout our email exchange, I created a Top 10 list about her. Here's what I came up with.

Top 10 Reasons Amanda Rogers Is (and has) a Dirty Vagina

10. She uses the word "boo" in reference to a boyfriend.
9. She watches the most overrated show on television, Law & Order and listens to the most overrated band in the world, Coldplay.
8. She's a liar and a hypocrite and undoubtedly solves her own problems with an eating disorder.
7. She hates frat boys despite the fact she's dating one of their model rejects.
6. She actually admires Condeleeza Rice.
5. She makes herself feel superior to people by correcting their grammar while simultaneously befriending a burlesque house (that's classy, now you can win a spelling bee while while shaking your cans in some creep's face).
4. She tries to avenge her friends pseudo problems by attacking people with big words and empty threats without actually knowing the person she's attacking.
3. She used the phrase "love me some catty biatches" knowing that anyone who still uses the word "biatch" or any spelling variation deserves to be shot.
2. She's a paralegal, which in Laymen's terms means "glorified secretary" and despite her inevitable law degree will probably settle as an ambulance chaser.
1. She's obviously an overachiever who has to work supremely hard to succeed which stems from insecurity and need to always prove herself.

Most of her supreme cuntness (can I say that? I think I just did.) probably stems from failing at the three C's every girl should master. What's that, you say? Ah yes, the three C's...

Cooking, Cleaning, and Coitus (der, that means sex, kimosabe)

Is that a sexist thing to say? I'm sure a percentage of it is. What that percentage is I really don't know nor do I really feel like figuring out. What I do know is that if a girl can master these three C's she will please any heterosexual man.

Oh, now I remember what makes that sexism argument moot. If you master the three C's we will find ways to reciprocate in ways that you dream we would do more often. So Miss Rogers, maybe you should pay less attention to our friend's lovelife and concentrate more on sucking off your Abercrombie reject boyfriend while Swiffering and cooking him a delicious turkey dinner. Hey, I don't make the rules; I just follow them.

Except this rule, I made it up. Now give me your address so I can mail you a nice moist washcloth. Bada bing!