Royal Ramble I

I've decided to create a new type of column much in the same way as I created the "For The Record" category or the "Unknown Hotties" categories. And who could forget the monthly "Over/Under". This is a new breed. The title basically gives away what it's about. I'm going to ramble.

Now I know what some of you are thinking, "Jason, you ramble all the time. What's your point?" Point is, I'm going to ramble some more. But organized. I like to call this kind of ranting rambagnized. I thought of calling it orga-ambled but that was a little too unwieldy.

You may remember one or two columns (I can't remember how many and I'm too lazy to look up info on my own site) entitled "4am Ramblings" or something of the same ilk. Well this space is going to be the bastard cousin of those Ramblings. The younger, more supple, and last but not least, more willing cousin. This one's gonna let me go all the way.

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You may be wondering why I haven't mentioned Scooter Libby's name here yet and some longwinded anti-Republican rant. Why I haven't raked the mud of such institutions as CNN.com and the Drudge Report to dig up the goods (read: and by goods I mean factual information) on such a douchebag. I'll tell you why. I don't care.

Moving on.

If you had a friend who was really hot and her Army Ranger boyfriend dicked her over, would you erase the errors you may have made before and try to get with her? I know I would.

I'd like to publicly state that I'm a huge fan of auburn. Not the college but the hair color.

Did you notice that I used my real name in a CPunchworld article for the first time ever up above?

What's your favorite quote from the Quotes Archive? Mine's the one from Greg Giraldo about the upbeat approach to abortions.

Don't like abortions? Don't f**k!

I'm now using asterisks to fill the gaps in the middle of swear words I feel are inappropriate for this site instead of @, #, $, %, or &. And by "inappropriate" I mean "I'm trying to save as little dignity and respectability as possible here."

Don't you hate pants?

Did you know that Michelangelo was a party dude? (I've had the theme song stuck in my head alllllll day.)

I'm going to personally nominate Birch trees as the tastiest plant extract in the world. Even above maple syrup. If you haven't had birch beer before then you're an idiot.

At work I'm learning how to edit video on the computer via software such as Quantel and Edius. This is very cool because it will enable me to shoot and edit my own skits/sketches and little newsy tidbits and then upload them onto the all new CPunchworld. When can you expect this all new kickass CPunchworld? Well that's up to you. Who wants to buy me a new digital video camera and Mac Powerbook complete with editing software!? Anyone? Ahhhh. I'll do it myself.

But let me tell you, once I've got my tools you're all in for it. There will finally be a face with the name. Too bad they haven't created smell-o-vision yet. Cause man, farting onto your keyboard would...be...awwwweeesooome!