Only In America

You know that fantasy you have where two hot women are having sex with each other and you walk in on them? Well this is sort of like that.

If you haven't heard already, two former Carolina Panthers cheerleaders were caught having sex with each other in a Tampa, FL bar Sunday night. Some other women complained about the hold up and upon being escorted out of the bathroom, one of them punched another patron.

I'm not making this up. Renee Thomas, 20, and Angela Keathley, 26, were just going at it in this bathroom. And then as they were leaving Thomas clocked some woman in the face. (There's some more details in the press release so have a quick read through.)

My favorite parts of that are:

"Nurse Melissa Holden told WCAU she walked into the bathroom and found Thomas and Keathley in an occupied stall and in a compromising position."

and,

"Holden laughingly said the black eye she received was from Thomas' "boney hand."

So you're telling me two NFL cheerleaders were scrambling each others' eggs in a bathroom stall and someone had a problem with this? Ladies, ladies, please. I realize you have to pee and all but there's some love goin' down. "uncompromising position"? What is that anyway? Uncompromising to whom? Your right to pee? Surely that wasn't the only stall in the bathroom. Architecture companies go in planning these things with like 3-5 stalls. They know you girls have dimebag sized bladders and take that into account when designing your Johns. What, were you turned off by the humping? Would you not be able to do your tinkle with some slurpage going on in the next stall over?

See, this is the difference between men and women. If we walked into a bathroom and there was a guy rockin' on some girl in one of the stalls, we'd just saddle up nextdoor, do our business, enjoy the easy listening and be on our merry way.

Apparently the ladies can't deal with that. And apparently Renee Thomas agrees with me as she laid down a knuckle sammich on Ms. Holden. (The kicker is that Holden wasn't even the woman that made the comment.)

On top of all this nonsense, Penthouse has supposedly offered both these ladies spots in their magazine. Presumably in poses that would poke fun at slash conjure up images of the rousing game of Seven In Heaven: The Crapper Edition (Ages 15-81).

Kudos to Penthouse for doing what we all thought but have too many scruples to follow through on. I guess the lesson here, as always, is "a slut + a slut x commercial exploitation/ arrest warrants = The American Dream."