Weekend Webkateer

CPunch updated on a Saturday!? No way! Well? Way! I figured I sucked big time this month in giving the people what they want so I thought I'd show some love on a weekend for a change.

First off a correction that was pointed out by a couple of readers. Tom Cruise is a Scientologist, not a Christian Scientist, as I claimed in the last column. My apologies go out to the Christian Scientists - nobody wants that kook. However he did knock up Katie Holmes which, and let's be honest, has been the dream for somewhere north of 48 million guys in this country alone. But he's still crazy.

Now this is a different kind of post since it's on a weekend, I've decided to make this links oriented. Hear me out. I found a few humorous webpages over the past couple of weeks and was planning creating an article out of each. However I realized recently that I'd probably stretch each one of these out and have way too much filler for an entire article. Sooooo, I'm going to split this bad boy up into three different sections.

A New Buzzword

JWT (formerly J. Walter Thompson...yea, I've never heard of them either), the world's biggest advertising agency decided it would be a great idea to make up a new buzzword: "ubersexual". This is supposed to be a more manly counterpart (and counterpoint) to the "metrosexual". Frankly, I like their idea, but I their top ten is a little disturbing.

Basically they think the ubersexuals have "M-ness" (der, man-ness) that metros do not. According to them, "the uber is passionate about causes and principles, while the metro is mostly passionate about himself." And "The uber knows the difference between right and wrong and will make the right decision regardless of what others around him may think; the metro knows the difference between toner and exfoliant -- and worries that he's using yesterday's brand."

I guess I sort of agree with that...in some ways. However, I just cannot accept the term they created. It's completely ridiculous. First of all, "uber" is way too cool to be attached to anything that is compared to a metrosexual. Secondly, it just sounds retarded.

So they made their top ten. And here it is, in descending order: Jon Stewart, Guy Ritchie, Pierce Brosnan, Ewan McGregor, Barack Obama, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, George Clooney...and the #1 ubersexual is!....

Bono? Are we serious? The man wears green and orange tinted sunglasses all the damn time. What's the deal, Bono? It's not always sunny. Take off those stupid glasses. Well besides his eyewear follies, JWT thinks that because of his "humanitarianism" he's like the second coming or some shit. Hello, hellooooo, hola, you're a stupid dooooouchebag. I dig some of U2's music but sweet Jesus, I don't want to model myself after him. We don't need you spearheading every freakin' possible relief effort. Oh, the Western African endangered sand gnat needs our help? Here's a thought Bono, survival of the fittest. Ever heard of Darwin? I'm not saying certain areas of the world deserve to be infected with weird diseases but you have to wonder, maybe God just doesn't like them.

Mexilicious!

Like pretty much every Division-I football stadium in the country, North Carolina State's Carter-Finley Stadium has a big jumbo tron. It's called Canesvision as the Carolina Hurricanes hockey team (wooo hockey!) owns it. Quite often the jumbotron operators will put a font on the screen saying "fan cam" or "kiss cam" while displaying people on the screen. However during the October 13th game against Clemson something other than "kisscam" or "fancam" was shown. Instead, one of the operators thought it would be humorous to write "mexicam" on the jumbotron and display a fellow Canesvision employee who was, you guessed it, Mexican!

Not only was this prank hilarious but it forced the school to publicly apologize for the gaffe and send out the PC patrol with the obligatory "this act in now way represents the university...". Can it racist. Clearly you hate Mexicans. Anyone that is associated with a racist joke is obviously racist. I bet the dean has a lot of really big burnt T's in his or her yard. And I'm basing that all on this story. Makes sense right?

By the way, I was the one responsible for this game for SportsCenter that night. If you saw that highlight, I cut it. If I had known about this jumbotron screen shpeal I may have fought myself over whether or not to include it. Awesome prank vs. paying the rent...hmm.

Jack-Off...and On

This doesn't need much explanation. Just look at the pictures side by side that this website has given us. Ladies and gentlemen, that is just too eerie to comment on. I hope you sleep well tonight. Godspeed.