One More Reason To Hate Vegan Hippies

I just finished watching this week's edition of Fox's Trading Spouses. This episode was split up into two episodes, tonight's of which was the second. Anyone that's seen the show knows Fox swaps families of completely different backgrounds to ensure each episode is chock full of hilarity only Star Jones' dietician could conceive. They plucked the mother from a backwards cajun family of rednecks from the bayou in Leeziana, as it's pronounced, and a deranged vegan quartet from (where else) California. Let the ridicularity ensue.

Basically the vegan mother is a nutjob. That's as simple as you're going to get it. Jumpin' crawdaddies, she's crazy. This woman had no tolerance for anything other than her nazi-istic vegan lifestyle. When shown at her home she was super strict and would not let anyone else make any decisions. She definitely wore the pants in the family and the father seemed like deep inside, he wanted to kill her. He just let her walk all over him. Like we're talking super whipped here.

Anyway, when she goes down to the bayou she starts imposing her lifestyle on the father and son. The son, ZZ, is hilarious. What a little hick. He hunts and fishes and does all the little kid mischievous stuff you'd expect from a redneck 8 year old. And he gets the worst of it from this vegan mom.

Let's move briefly to the other side. The cajun mom is willing to live under vegan rules as she wants to be respectful of their lifestyle. Good. Great. Grand. She brings the family gator skulls as presents. Eh, ok, sort of weird but a nice gesture nonetheless. She even goes to a vegan housewife meeting or whatever it is and deals with all these Cali vegan nutjob women. She even cooks a vegan gumbo for the family party she has to host and deals with the relatives telling her it's wrong to kill poisonous snakes and spiders. My god.

I'm going to wrap this up with the final 15 minutes of the show. Well the cajun family's dog pees in the kitchen so to teach the dog a lesson, the vegan animal rights activist promptly shoves the dog's face into the pee and spanks the dog extremely hard. Mind you this dog is about 30 pounds max. Oh and then they go out for food one last time and she eats a piece of alligator...and likes it.

So the crazy bitch goes home to her family and tells them about this. They freak out and kids are pissed. As they should be. They've been raised that eating meat is bad and if they do they will be severely punished. They've been taught it's terrible to eat animals and then she goes and eats one. So not only are these upset but they're also confused because mom is a hypocritical assclown.

Just to make matters worse, when she reads aloud what the family will have their $50,000 spent on (as the opposite mother decides) she gets upset when she reads that her husband will get 10 g's for the orchard he wanted to make. The kids each got a grand and the family got 8 for a trip to Hawaii or Mexico. And she starts crying! Because her husband got something he had always wanted. Oh but wait, she changes her tune when she reads that she gets 20 grand all to herself. That's right, the cajun mother gave her 20 grand. And so this conversation takes place:

Vegan bitch: Oh wow, I thought she'd give you money for the new car you need.
Whipped husband: Now you can buy me one! (laughing)
Vegan bitch: um...I don't think so. (dead serious)

Seriously, I would like to punch her in the ovaries. Go back to your house on whore island! Sorry, I watched Anchorman today and it's still fresh in my mind.

Now I'm not saying either family is normal or sane. But the vegan mother is by far the least inviting person on there. She makes Hitler look like Santa Claus. Which makes Santa Claus look like Gandhi. And since Santa's not real that means Hitler is Gandhi...right? Ah, screw it.