The Over/Under: September 2004

September came and went and as you could see nothing really interesting happened, at least from my perspective. I wish there had been. Maybe there was and I just didn't have an opinion on it. But then again, anyone who knows me knows I have an opinion on just about anything. Before we begin I'm going to add a new recurring theme to this monthly column: the shameless plug of the month!

This month will be for my good friends (I hope they read this!) at Jack Daniels. Making quality Tennessee whiskey since 1904! (Mrs. Daniels? Is Jack home?....MRS. DANIELS!?)

Underrated

Metal - During the month of September I went to two raucous metal concerts and went to two in the last week of August (which I'm going to count for this points sake). Metal is back, kids. It's back in a big way and you can't stop it. It's the musical equivalent of Shaq. He had a less than stellar year last year and this year he's ready to blow up and take some heads with him. In the past two weeks two metal albums debated inside the top 20 on the Billboard Top 200 - Megadeth (9/14-20) and Shadows Fall (9/21-28). Other bands that have slowly become huge under the radar are Killswitch Engage, Hatebreed, Lamb of God, Chevelle, God Forbid among many others. People are starting realize substance over glitter and cookiecutter singalongs is what makes good music. Thank god.

Shaun of the Dead - If you haven't seen it...see it! At least the British are good for something, right?! I'm just kidding. But seriously, this movie is brilliant. It's funny and gory at the same time - just like the Republican National Convention! In addition to its obvious "dumber" humor, there's some witty humor as well. Like the fact that the main character acts like a zombie in his natural state like the real zombies. It's a nice little bit of social commentary...if anyone got it. Hopefully America isn't stupid enough to miss that point. **spoiler alert** The best part about this movie is clearly that they pick a bar as the safest place to go to stay alive. Because honestly, if you're going to die, you might as well go out shitcanned.

Homerun derby - The only reason I mention this is because sometimes you just need something to make you feel more adequate than you really are. Hence why my friend and I every once in a while head over to our local Little League field and play homerun derby. It makes us feel big that we can hit "towering" bombs past the 205 ft fence. To be fair though, we do use wooden bats and stand at the backstop instead of at the plate so it's more like 220 feet to the fence. At least I'm not challenging 11 year-olds to a derby! (note to self: challenge 11 year-olds to homerun derby)


Overrated

Joey - I finally caught the last half of Joey last night. And it lived up to every expectation I had for it...which is easy when I had none to begin with! Simply put, it's quite bad. If it wasn't for Drea de Matteo's uber-hotness, it'd be cancelled already. I'm certain of that. There is no substance for this show and Matt Leblanc is just as stupid in it. Well, his character is. I assume he's a much more intelligent and sane man than his character is. If this show gets a second season I'll be surprised. I think I'd rather watch Jason Alexander's new stinkfest Listen Up over this. And his co-star is Malcolm Jamal-Warner. You heard me - Theo Huxtable and George Costanza is better than Joey Tribiani and Adriana la Cerva. What has television come to!?

Pedro Martinez - 4 losses in his last 4 starts two of which were to the Stankees. What the hell happened Pedro!? You've turned to crap this year, why? Please tell me you're just tired. Because a 90mph fastball isn't going to intimidate anyone in October. Curt Schilling is going to be the #1 starter in the playoffs and deservedly so and what do you do about it? You call the Yanks your daddy and then bring in a midget actor to cheer up the clubhouse. Now that second move was undoubtedly hilarious but you had better start getting serious and fix your pitching problems. The Sox are stacked this year and if you can't get it together, it will be another year of disappointment in Beantown. This past September of sucking is only equivalent to Tera Patrick's performance in Nice Rack #4 and 18 and Nasty #11. But then again she was supposed to suck in those. I'd love to go a little further with this joke but I'll end up getting sidetracked.

Bill O'Reilly - He did an interview with President Bush this week. O'Reilly was not only impressed that Bush accepted an interview on his station but that he accepted an interview where O'Reilly could ask anything and Bush would not know the questions before hand. Um...you're impressed with that, Bill? First of all, Bush doing an interview on America's most conservative news station is not impressive. Secondly, not giving him the questions nor restricting what you can ask him is the least you could do. It's called journalistic integrity. If you didn't do either it would have been a scripted act. Bill, you are an F-ing idiot. Go sit on a fence post.