It's Gold Jerry, Pure Gold!

There's a movie called Garden State out right now in select cities. (You're welcome for the plug, Zach Braff.) No, I haven't seen it yet but I'm intrigued. You see, not only is classically stunning Natalie Portman (call me!) in the film, but the way she was coaxed into signing on is brilliant.

According to Braff, Portman's role was based on...well...Natalie Portman. Apparently Mr. Braff wrote the role for the exact type of person Natalie is therefore making her the obvious choice for the part. Now I wonder. Is this type of casting style possible for any movie? Or to, append the query, is it possible for any situation? Hear me out.

Firstly, if it were possible to make a movie where you could cast whomever you wanted based on the type of persona the character was based on, you could feasibly have the greatest movie ever made. Think about it.

Let's make a movie right now. Let's just say it's loosely based off of Hugh Grant's roadside assistance incident a few years back. We'll call it...uh...I don't know, but that doesn't matter anyway. We'll say that the "Hugh" character is homely, broodish, and full of complex rage. Oh, and give 'em an accent. Well if we want this flick to be quality we're going to need, who else, Russell Crowe! (Fightin' 'round the world. Tugga!)

For his female counterpart we'll need someone drop-dead gorgeous, brunette...no, wait. I have a better idea. Burly, masculine, and full of silicone. Everyone, meet Chyna formally of the WWF! Man, can you imagine a pseudo sex scene with Russell Crowe and Chyna? But we'll add a "Pretty Woman" sort of twist where they become a couple and Russell tries to keep his ho (I can say that 'cause she is one in the movie) in line but Chyna makes him her bitch. Oh snap, you totally didn't see that one coming!

Now think about a real-life situation. You're in a bar with your gal pals or your bro's and you see a hottie at the bar. You saddle up next to them and use a line similar to this: " Hey there, I'm looking for that certain someone and it seems you fit the bill to a T. I'm looking for someone that..." and you finish with whatever attributes said victim has. Using artsy euphemisms to describe the attributes like "statuesque" for "tall" and "gorgeous" for "hideously disfigured" and so on. It's bulletproof!

This would be so mint. Who's with me? I think Mr. Braff, if not intentionally, stumbled upon the greatest casting/writing approach ever. Not only do you get whomever you want in your film, but you stroke the celebs' massive egos in the process. That's Hollywood baby! Now if we can only convince Jessica Simpson she was born to play the lead in Jenna Jameson's biographical full-length feature, we'd be in business.