A couple of days late, so sue me! Here's the deal - with Halloween comes ridiculousness and therefore lack of sleep for me. Sooooo, I was finally able to find time to write this month's edition with the proper attention albeit a very exhausted attention. Nevertheless I must deliver and deliver I shall. I would first like to point out that I will be attending the much anticipated film Borat: Cultural Learnings of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan this Friday and you'll receive my experience in paragraph form come Monday. For now you'll have to settle for a supersized version of the O/U. That's right, kids. You can say it's a Halloween present or me making up for my tardiness. Or you can just think I'm a really nice guy. Either way we've got four pieces per side this time around instead of the usual three. Better hit the crapper, or as the French call it, the crapiér, and clear some room because you got a lot to digest this time 'round. Well, I suppose I should heed my own advice - excuse me.

(Think disgusting thoughts. Think disgusting thoughts.)

(Wait for it...)

(Wait...)

Aaahhhh, there we go. Ok, let's begin.

Underrated

People With Laptops at Starbucks - Seriously, thank you. You would usually read the title there and assume they'd be in the Overrated portion but no. I approve of these assbags because they remind me why I shouldn't shop at Starbucks or buy a Mac for that matter. Now I don't completely want to hate on Starbucks or Macs; I've used both. But the kind of people that sit on their asses at Starbucks for hours on end sipping the same one Chai Latte while working on their novel (it's really good I swear!) are just awful. Not only do these people look like no-talent assclowns without real jobs but they're wasting money on coffee that isn't even that great. Anyone from the east coast knows that Dunkin' Donuts is easily the best coffee in the country. It's a shame there are no franchises on the west coast. So when I walk by one of the 934837 Starbucks in LA alone and see these wastes of space creating assgrooves in the lounge chairs with their iBooks on their laps I know that there are people lazier and more pathetic than me out there. Really makes a guy feel good, ya know?

Mike Tyson's New Challenge - If you didn't know, Mike Tyson said last month that he wants to do some exhibition fights throughout the country kind of like a tour. Ok, nothing to wild there. But he also said he'd like to fight women. Commence slow clap. Really, Mike? Well I couldn't be happier. Is there nothing more amusing than the thought of Tyson vs. Harding on pay-per-view? Really? Anything? Yea, exactly. We all knew Mike was crazy but this brings it to an all new level. The man was scary fierce in the ring and eventually bit a man's ear off during a bout. He's been convicted of rape and raises pigeons on a rooftop in Brooklyn. What next, Mike? Oh you want to fight women? Sounds like a dynamite idea to me, Mike. Just dynamite.

StopShuler.com - Just go to that website. If you don't know who Heath Shuler is, that's ok. He played football for the Washington Redskins in the mid to late nineties and pretty much blew ass. Now he wants to run for office. Now this isn't anything new - former professional athletes running for office. But the massive opposition is the new thing. I've never seen a more hilarious way to oppose a politician. Check out this video on Youtube to see one of the pseudo ads the campaign has made. You know, maybe I'm just a little tired here but haven't we seen ads not too different from this in the past from sleezy policitians most notably republicans this time around? Claiming someone shouldn't be elected by negative coincidences? It's not that outlandish. Nevertheless this shows how far some people are willing to go to show their depreciation of someone. Washington really doesn't want Shuler pretty much anywhere near the district. Not unlike most of the republicans. We'll see come next Wednesday.

Niggaspace.com - Yup. That's not a typo. Anyone who knows me knows I mean no disrespect by actually spelling the infamous N-word but seriously, who doesn't know what I'm typing when I use the asterisk? Anyway, some guy named Tyrone started this website and over 1,500 people have already signed up. The idea isn't a bad one necessarily but its controversial name is what's getting people talking. I like it. Tyrone explains the difference between the suffix of "a" versus "er" and I completely agree. Now, being a cracker myself I suppose it sounds strange for me to talk about both versions of the word like black people would even give a rat's ass about my opinion but nevertheless it's there. I empathize with discussion and the reasoning Tyrone gives. It makes sense looking at it from his perspective. Tyrone's idea that this site will "bring together" black people is a pretty respectable task. It's just kind of funny that he decided to choose niggaspace.com as his website name. The man's got some balls. I respect balls.

Overrated

Neuticles - Bob Barker may be retiring from The Price Is Right but his crusade against dogs and cats' balls will never die. Your pet wants his balls. You want your pet to have his balls. But you understand what Bob was saying so you give 'em the ol' chop chop. Now neuticles are available. You know what those are? They're fake plastic testicles to replace your pet''s cajones. Really? First you de-ball your pet and then you rip away (pun intended) his dignity by inserting fake balls in satchel. C'mon now, that's just cruel.

Stingrays - What the hell is going on?! We've got two stingray attacks in the last two months. First the crocodile hunter and now a random 81-year-old. This second attack was even stranger than the first. The stingray took it upon itself to flop itself onto the man's boat and thusly stabbed the elderly man in the chest. The only reason the old man didn't die is because the foot-long barb in his chest stayed put. Steve Irwin yanked his out...and he's the animal expert. Maybe he should be on the list here. Nah, we'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Why stingrays? Huh, why? You were once docil creatures of the sea. Now you're godless killing machines. Damn you stingrays! Damn you! Will the carnage ever cease!?

Deep Fried Coke - I really shouldn't have to say anything here. It is what it is. Does America need to be any fatter? The creators of this dish didn't think we had enough cholesterol problems or diabetes? What is wrong with this country? We go out of our way to create new ways to kill ourselves. I love the retort supporters of this food will give though. "It's our right as Americans to eat whatever we want" and "If we don't do what we want including clogging our arteries with crap like this, the terrorists win." It's people that come up with these retarded ideas that vote for jackasses in congress. And you wonder why I disagree with the fact that we all have an equal vote. Ridiculous.

Asurion Insurance - If you didn't know, this is the company that insures your cell phone if you've chosen to insure it. It's used by almost all mobile phone service companies including mine (I use Verizon). Check out this link and read their fine print. So it basically boils down to if you damage or lose your phone via military, biological, or nuclear attack it's your problem. Not only that, but if the government is toppled and the usurpers somehow damage your phone in the process, you are liable. What #%$#@&%!?!?!?! "Well Mr. Johnson, you were very brave to go into those towers. You saved dozens, hell, hundreds of lives. You're a real American Hero. We hope you recover quickly from your injuries. Oh by the way, once you get back on your feet you'll have to pay in full for a new cell phone. Yours was crushed beyond repair and your insurance didn't cover terrorist attacks by al Qaeda." Yea, exactly.