It's one thing for Debra Lafave to play cutesy with a 14 year-old boy. And by cutesy I, of course, mean letting his pubescent body slam her into a microfiche machine until they've matriculated inside one another or until the librarian tells them to "hush" - whichever comes first. It's another to use an X-rated font in a spelling packet for elementary school students for your own sick twisted game of Hide The Little Metal Thing That Holds The Chalk So You Don't Get Chalkdust On Your Hands.

Apparently teachers in a Monroe, NY elementary school did this. A spelling packet with the naughty font was given to parents. (Guys, you probably didn't want to give the parents your Pamphlet of Trickery if you really wanted to hump those kids. Food for thought.) It was then determined that male and female stick figures positioned in provocative poses were used to shape the letters in the alphabet.

I've got to tip my hat to these teachers. They were really went the extra mile. I'm giving them a gold star for the day because that is an impressively creative way to dupe students into giving you oral sex in exchange for an "O". (Remember, most elementary schools give out O's, S's, and U's for Outstanding, Satisfactory, and Unsatisfactory instead of A-F.) Kudos for coming up with such a brilliant plan for your designs of statutory rape. However, I must look down in scorn at you for being so careless as to let the parents of your would-be victims, I mean lovers, see your ingenious plan.

For shame Pine Tree Elementary teacher. Even though the reports say you designed these packets with an X-rated font unintentionally, I choose to believe you're more sick and sinister than that. Don't hang your head in shame for being sick and sinister. Hang it because you didn't admit the truth of being sick and sinister. If we can't be honest in our lives then what can we be? Just admit to coming up with a brilliant plan to fornicate young pupils with the aid of a yardstick and a protractor and we'll forget you idiotically let the parents see the fulcrum of your plan.

Just be ready to be arrested. With honesty comes consequences. And yours will be in the form of a 6'5" 280 pound man named Leslie. Tough break, kiddo.