I've got to mention this before I get to the meat of this column...

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Ok, back to stuff that matters. Now let me premise this next bit with the fact that I know a half of a Muslim person. I say that because the only Muslim people I know are the parents of a friend from work. So if this at all seems insensitive in any way you know why. Not that I'm trying to be...but, ya know.

(PC Police would tear me a new one if I didn't do that.)

If you've ever been to or live in England then you may have heard of an amusement park called Alton Towers. It's like any other theme park here in the states with water rides and roller coasters and alcoholic beverages. You know, "fun". Apparently the Muslims in England big fans of this so-called "fun". Why? Oh, I'll tell you why. (Seriously. Otherwise the article would end.)

The Islamic group Islamic Leisure said they had to cancel the planned "Muslim Fun Day" at the amusement park because of lack of interest. Yup. According to this press release, Muslims aren't fans of fun. What I don't get is why. Get a load of these special preparations the park made for them.

Not only would the park require strict dress codes that day but they'd also make prayer areas available. And not only that but, "music, gambling and alcohol were to be banned for the day and theme park rides such as "Ripsaw," "Corkscrew" and "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" all segregated by sex."

Mmmm, nothing like good ol' fashioned conservative and sexist values to really get the party started. Oh, and to set an entire religious population back about 700 years. Actually wait a minute, it's probably more like 2,000 years. And conservative Islam has been doing that for, well, ever. I was going to call them orthodox Muslims but that's like a riddle wrapped in a paradox wrapped in an enigma. The world may explode.

So with all these super sweet preparations being made just for Muslims who want to take advantage of some modern entertainment but still keep their ridiculous conservative values, why not go? Why were ticket sales so low that the Islamic Leisure team (which I can only imagine sets up Stone-A-Dog and Gangrape-The-Women leagues as the only other products of their yearly budget) had to cancel the day? The only answer is that Muslims just plain don't like to have fun. They're completely opposed to it.

It's just strange is all. A major amusement sets aside an entire day for their 1.7 million Muslim population and they can't purchase enough tickets to make the event viable? That's weaksauce England's Muslim community. How will you be able to show your faces at the next international Muslim meeting? For shame. Until you nominate a representative to contact me and tell me why you couldn't come up with enough people to fill the amusement park and make Muslim Fun Day happen, I'm declaring all 1.7 million of you are cowards. Too scared to have a little fun? I'm calling you out England's Muslim population. How's it taste!?