Tis the season to drink a drink, fart a fart, or ostracize a minority...just kidding...or am I? It's the Holidays and your man, CP, is here to wish you a lovely Christmas. Or if you're of the Jew variety, a Happy Hanukkah. I refuse to say Happy Holidays because way too many people are combining all these holidays in an attempt to sound both cute and politically correct. Well, you're neither you f**king douchebag. Also, I don't know any black people (yes, I know some black people) that celebrate Kwanzaa. I still don't even know what it is and how it came about that we had to rope it into The Holidays.
And that's really my point in this last article before Christmas. The bastardization of Christmas and Hanukkah, and yes, even Kwanzaa. How lazy are we that we can't wish everyone a happy holiday according to whatever they believe in? If your friend is a Jew, tell him "Happy Hanukkah Jewboy!". If your friend is a Christian, be sure to say "Merry f**kin' Christmas you gentile!". If they're black say "Happy Kwanzaa you"...on second thought, just stop there. Because any humorous attempt to slap on a jokingly, warm 'n fuzzy pronoun/slang will probably end up being taken the wrong way. Though, I suppose that could be said for anyone. Anyway...
I can't stand how we mash all these holidays together. Extreme conservatives are flipping out that places like Walmart have "Happy Holidays" strewn across the "2 for 1 Lawnchairs" signs and what not instead of "Merry Christmas". And oddly enough, I agree with them. Not that I have any use for two lawnchairs, but I'd rather see a "Merry Christmas" sign and a "Happy Hanukkah Sign" up there. Specify. You don't have to dumb it down for us. Yes, people are overreacting to this type of thing this year. But I agree with the principle. People feel that mishmashing the holidays together sort of dilutes the meaning of the words and/or the holidays themselves. That makes sense to me. All commercialization aside, that's one reason why Hanukkah, and especially Christmas, feel a little diluted.
Now don't think I forgot about our good friend "The OC". Oh, no. This bastardization of television and Orange County has made the once-underground term "Christmakkuh" into a household thing. I don't like that. I never really liked the term to begin with. It felt like a bunch of ditzy sorority girls got together and came up with it in an attempt to be cute.
So this year when the Christmas decorations starting going up at work, what do I see? There's a sign up that reads "Happy Christmahannukwanzaakuh". Are you f**king kidding me? Come on, people. This is just getting ridiculous. Pretty soon it's going to be "Happy Christmahannuramakwanzaaboxingdanukah". Yea, we'll just throw in Ramadan and Canada's Boxing Day for shits 'n giggles. Jesus tap-dancing Christ. We've turned JC's birthday and the festival of lights into a goddamn three ring circus of the Telephone game.
Listen, I'm all for equality and spreading happiness and joy to all religions. But hell man, we don't have to sound like a bunch prissy, PC-friendly douchebags in the process do we? So, in conclusion. To all my Jewish friends, who will be celebrating Hanukkah starting Christmas day night, Happy Hanukkah to you and your family. Enjoy all things Jew and have a great time doing it. To all my Kwanzaa people, if there are any, have a safe and happy whatever you do. Boxing Day...uh, whatever. Ramadan? Um...just don't kill me please. And last but certainly not least, the people that make up 80% of America's religious community, the Christians. Merry Christmas to you and your entire family as well.
Coast to coast CPunch would like to offer his happy, healthy wishes to you on whatever holiday you celebrate. There will be no links on Monday...maybe Tuesday. Other than that, and I can't believe I'm quoting him (Dave Matthews), drink and be merry. Goodnight everybody!
No comments:
Post a Comment