For The Record: Week In Review

I am really determined to write more than one column per week. I really am. I'm also really determined to eat the new Eggnormous breakfast sandwich at Burger King simultaneously with Budweiser's new energy drink. Yup, it's beer with ginseng, guarana (?), and.....caffeine. Caffeine!?! Are they insane!? I guess Anheuser Busch found a way to counteract the qualities that make alcohol a depressant. Now if we could find a way to infuse Ritalin with blow we'd be in business.

Note to self: develop a bad case of ADD, "stumble" upon fiddy keys of coke, mix, profit.

In even funnier news, if that were possible, the New York Yankees were subjected to an hour long presentation at Fenway Park today. For what you ask? Well if you asked you're a F'ing retard. It was for the World Champion banner raising ang ring distribution. Afterwhich they made the opening introductions. Every Yankee got booed appropriately. Except for one - Mariano Rivera. He was enthusiastically applauded. I was actually laughing outloud by myself. The best part though was the sense of humor Mariano exhibited. He laughed as well. He could take the Boston faithful busting his balls. And for that, I can almost forgive him for being a pain in the ass for the last eight years.

What's hot right now? Turkey melts. They are definitely the flavor of the week times five.

What's not? Playing Arena football. If you didn't know by now, a player for the Los Angeles Avengers died...in a game Sunday. He broke his neck attempting a tackle. Um, I'm gonna go ahead and keep playing golf...

Speaking of golf. I played my first round of the season on Sunday. It felt pretty good. The first round of golf every year is like a christening of Spring. It has officially changed seasons when I hit the links. And after starting with a quadruple bogey, I ended my day playing even par over the last six holes - four pars, a bogey (BS three put) and a birdie on the par 5 18th. I was feeling Tiger's flow from early that morning.

That last sentence sounds really wrong.

I could use some of that Ritacaine right about now...