Do you ever notice how many different rap artists there are how little of them are actually good enough to stand on their own? I mean, with rap not being a very viable live option (rock and pop are more suited for live performances, as 50 Cent will attest), it seems it's harder and harder for rappers to become successful. Basically you have to do one of (if not both) two things: be really, really, ridiculously good...or sell out. Snoop Dogg being an example of the former while Nelly being the latter.
Regardless there's so much rap out there and so little of it is any good (or successful depending on how you look at it). This mirrors reality TV quite well I think. Think of how much reality TV there is out there and how much of it is pure garbage. For every Survivor and Newlyweds there's a Real World/Road Rules Challenge and The Swan. If we're going to show reality, why not show the stuff that is so absurd and quite possibly offensive that it's funny...because it isn't us. It'll be like the internet - you can react however you want and no one's the wiser because you're alone in your Lay-Z-Boy.
Here's a few ideas for reality shows (since they're apparently never going away) that I would actually watch on a regular basis. (Note that I'm well aware My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss mysteriously stopped airing. And yes I'm pissed.)
Bummer!
This one is pretty simple. We find bums and give them assloads of money to do hilariously gross and/or possibly illegal stuff and capture it on tape. It's one part Fear Factor, one part "Dude, you're a f$%kin' bum, you need money!"
"Ok Boxcar Ralphie, here's your next task. Can you eat this entire bucket of aborted fetuses and then regurgitate them into that woman's lap over there and when you're done yell, 'I'm crazy! What are you gonna do about it!?' in under 60 seconds!? Let's find out."
A Minor Dilemma
Another self-explanatory one. Basically we find known sex offenders that have been paroled and test their self-discipline. Can they withstand an hour at a daycare center as an assistant daycare employee? If they can there's a supple 5 year-old in it for them. (I'm kidding! God, I'm not that horrible.) We'll give them two...ok, fine - we'll give them $1000.
Then we'll make them substitute teachers in a 4th grade class. And we'll make sure to make to find the cutest kids possible.
The final test will be to babysit three kids...all of whom need baths and changing. But don't worry parents, it's aalllll supervised!
The Loveboat 2
This one is really simple. Take one part 40 ft vacation yacht, 4 parts happy couples and add one part crazy-ass Courtney Love. Love is the captain and hostess for the voyage. Think you can bear her for the 7 day cruise? Test your sanity and your boyfriend, as she'll undoubtedly try to make the love with him in a drunken stupor.
"Oh no, Courtney's naked and drunk and fallen overboard again. Quick couples, get her back in without touching her cooch. You never know what other crustaceans have made their home in their now."
Jailbreak
Unlock every door in a prison (excluding the doors that lead outside of course) and remove all forms of authority. Let mayhem and sodomy ensue. Hosted by Amy Fisher and Marv Albert.
The Emo Life
We follow New Found Glory, Good Charlotte, and Simple Plan around for 3 months...just to see how ridiculously lame they are. Watch Benji try and get this girl's number and totally fail! Check out the singer from Simple Plan cry because his cat got ran over! Is that New Found Glory's fat bass player eating low-carb friendly salads at the mini-mall!? Omg, it like, totally is! Unintentional comedy scale goes off the map with this show. Of course it will be narrated by Morgan Freeman. Because everything's better with him narrating.
Reality Check
We pluck four totally wicked teenage surfers from Orange County, California and put them in the harsh Boston suburbs. It's like the Real World meets...well...four oblivious, ignorant airheads. Watch as they try and order coffee:
Surfer Douche: Hey dude, can I get like, a vendi mocha latte? But use skim milk please, I gotta watch my figure.
Coffee Guy: What the f$%k are yoo tawkin' about kid? We sell reguluh and decaf. This Dunkin' f$%kin' Donuts.
Watch as the surfer douches get in a fight with locals:
Surfer Douche: Yo dude, where are the best swells? I've gotta rip today.
Bostonite: Are yoo retahded kid? This is the east coast. We don't have waves. Are you braindead?
Surfer Douche: Whoa...you just totally killed my buzz. I need a Jambajuice...
Bostonite: Listen douchebag, I don't cahya what you do. But heeya in Boston we drink beer and talk with ouwa heads outta ouwa asses. Am I gonna have to kick yoo in da nuts wicked hahd?
Surfer Douche: (to other douche) Dude, we are so not in the OC anymore.
This is TV I would watch. Anyone humiliating themself and/or violating several laws in the process makes for good TV. Which reminds me, is there anything more spinetinglingly horrifying than that TrimSpa commercial where Anna Nicole Smith goes "Do you like my body?" (Shudder) We need to launch CPTV stat. And let those white trash sponsors role in!
No comments:
Post a Comment