State of the CPunch

I think it makes sense to do a "state of the CPunch" article nearly seven months after I began this venture. It's a nice round number. And while I have a few things on my mind to write about, neither carries enough weight for an entire column. So you'll probably see them in the Over/Under.

It's now less than a week until I start my new job at ESPN and for some reason everyone seems to be more excited than me. I mean, don't get me wrong, I get a solid steady income and connections to television's elite (hopefully). And I'll finally be 100% on my own. This is all well and good. But it seems like my parents are more excited than me to be out of here (ie their home). I think my perception will change upon getting to New Britain. And once my go-for job begins I'll probably put a down payment on a nice thick rope and a huge block of ice.

Ah cynicism, how I love thee. You might think it gets me in trouble a lot. You might also think Hillary Duff is under-the-radar chubby. In both instances you'd be correct. I'd like to state for the record that I still find Hillary Duff hot.

I've also come to a sad conclusion. I've really come to hate the cold weather. Now I know you're saying, "yea, we know. You've complained about it in the Over/Under's before." But seriously, I'm sick of it. All throughout college I felt like I was on an extended vacation in Miami - like constant warm weather couldn't be where someone always lived or raised a family. I felt I needed the seasons. Well, the seasons can suck it.

I rather like being in a constant 65-95 degree zone for 10 months out of the year. The other time would be spent in the northeast at my parents' house for holidays and other random vacations.

Moreover, I have a evergrowing suspicion that if I want to continue my path toward television comedy I'm probably going to need to test out LA. Yea, I know...that place sucks. I hate it too. I've been through LA twice and didn't like it either time. It's a vast smog pit of a wasteland as far as I could tell but it's probably going to happen. And look, it's warm.

When will that happen? Who the hell knows. Will it happen for sure? Who the hell knows. Is it possible that you'll pick up and move to Europe for two years because you're sick of trying to find your niche? Anything's possible!

As for now, I'll continue to spew out article after article of rambling opinionated drivel. Hell, I have to; it's in my mission statement.

In closing I'm going to ask some questions I don't know the answers to...and there will be no rhyme or reason for any of them nor will they be in any type of order.

Why do Valentine's Day chocolate boxes have such crappy fillings? Why is the consistency of DayQuil much thinner than that of NyQuil? Who invented the 8oz. soda can and why are people buying these; who can't finish a regular 12oz. can? Why didn't anyone tell me about the new WWII memorial in Washington DC so that I had to go to it myself yesterday? When Dan Rather retires next month, can we just get the crew from The Daily Show to take over instead? How many different Punxsutawney Phil's have there been without us realizing he died and was replaced? What do they do with Phil the other 364 days of the year? Is there a better term for a girl that wants you but isn't good enough so you redirect her toward your lesser friend, than "throwaway trim"? Why are there so many damn Law & Orders? No seriously, why are there so many damn Law & Orders?!! If you put Dick Cheney and Stephen Hawking (and his speaking machine) on a telephone, could you tell who was who? Does anyone else laugh at how Paul Walker failed to fill the shows of Keannu Reeves? Am I the only NHL fan left? How do you think Hitler would have felt about Seinfeld? Are you telling me if I made one solid music album and then tragically died, I'd get at least three Grammys?

Alright, I'm tapped for now.