Helping the 2k4 Vote, One Insult at a Time

Ah Decision 2004 is nearly upon us. Who are our choices? Duh, we know who they are. But what do they stand for and who should you vote for? Those questions should be answered by the end of this. And if you're still undecided (for those that are before reading this, which is F-ing weird) you will have picked someone...I hope.

First off, to get a sense of what incumbent George Bush is about, you really have to read these two articles in addition to this one: The Idiots are Taking Over and They're Half the Men They Used to Be.

Read those? Ok, good.

So now you really know how F-ed up Dubya and his campaign is. Here's what Bush supporters will tell you about him and why they're voting for him. He's a strong, confident, steadfast leader who believes in what he's doing is right.

Let's take this one adjective at a time, shall we?

Strong - I could totally bench more than him.

Confident - Ok, seriously now. Being confident is great and all but this man isn't just confident in what he's doing. He's convinced he's dead right about it and anyone that disagrees with him is a Communist traitor or something. Us vs. them - that's his mentality.

Steadfast leader - Wwhooooowhat? Steadfast meaning consistent, right? Ok, sometimes Dubya's terminology challenges that of Mike Tyson's so you really have to think hard about what he's trying to say. Steadfast huh. Hmmm, seems to me you can be steadfast and WRONG. Kind of like the last four years. He and Cheney keep preaching on that they have this experience on their resumes; that they've done a lot. Because as you know, it's hard work, they're workin' hard...comin' in on Saturdays. Who gives a rat's ass how much experience you have if you've F-ed everything up. You know who else has a lot of experience as a steadfast leader? Hitler, Castro, and Saddam. Ha! I thought I'd just throw that comparison out there.

Belief - There's nothing wrong with having faith in whatever religion you want. Really, I have no problem with this. Christian, Jew, Muslim, Buddhist, Taoist, Mormon...ok maybe not the Mormons. But the rest, whoopty do. Have a big belief cakewalk through Times Square for all I care. My problem is when you, as the president of this great land, start making your beliefs the sole decision maker. I'm sorry but I can see and touch and feel a war. You know that's happening. You're telling me that you're basing your life or death decisions on faith of something that may not even exist!? Dude, seriously. I think the American people need a little more evidence that we went into Iraq than your belief that it was the right thing to do...especially since there's so much evidence against it.

A lot of people, including my mother (sorry mom), have this argument for voting for Bush. They feel the war on terror and homeland safety is the most important issue. Fine, I'm not going to disagree with that. But when everyone else sees Iraq as one big clusterf%$k with absolutely no evidence backing the decision to go in, Bush supporters use this argument.

"You can't believe everything the media says. I only believe 20% of what the media tells me and I'm sure there's top secret information that only the president knows about that maybe he can't divulge to the people for whatever reason that justify his decisions."

You're believing in information that may or may not exist, that if it does exist may or may not back the president's actions. And if that evidence actually did support us invading Iraq, why the hell wouldn't you tell everyone about it to calm everyone's minds and make your invasion justified? Why, why, why, why, why? (takes a breath) Why, why, why, why?

People that believe this are freakin' morons. Once again you're basing your vote on information that could be completely self-construed. You're voting on a hopeful assumption. You're voting on faith of something you cannot prove. Well, F that. I agree the media will not give us 100% truth. I'm not naive about this. I've been to 21st Century secondary school and taken excellent classes on politics. I'm not an idiot. Regardless of what the media is showing us, regardless of any good that could possibly be going on in Iraq, all that horrible stuff like beheadings and car bombs and our soldiers dying is still happening.

Oh yea, and remember that whole coalition thing? Don't forget Poland!! It's us, Britain, and Australia. That's really the coalition. There's supposedly like 25 other countries involved including Japan and Poland but how many troops do they have over there? Japan had about five until the insurgent assholes started kidnapping them and Poland sent over slingshots and spitballs. (Ya hear that, Zell Miller!? Spitballs!!!!) No matter how much Bush and Cheney want you to believe there's a coalition, there's not. The US has contributed 90% of the cost and casualties of a war justified by a hopeful assumption...aaaaand a whole bunch of lies.

So there's the short version of why Bush has screwed up on the leader/Iraq stuff. Quickly now, domestic issues. (stops, laughing uncontrollably) Ok, ok, sorry about that. I was just thinking about how our country is more polarized than ever. No seriously George, you're unifying people. Really, believe baby, believe! Anyway, yea so he's lost umpteen million jobs, like 45 million people are without healthcare and he's cut taxes for the richest 1%. Woo hoo. That really helps me out. Oh and he's isolated America on the clean air and water front too. Oh and he advocates outsourcing jobs to foreign countries, hence the loss of jobs. Oh and he also diverted attention from a soon-to-be captured bin Laden to Iraq under false evidence. Yea that's not domestic but whatever.

There's more reasons why Bush is retarded and you are too if you vote for him buuuut...I'm sick of typing and you've got to be sick of reading at this point. Oh by the way, even though Clinton kind of ignored al Qaeda all those years, he still told Bush upon entering the White House that bin Laden needed to be watched and the 9/11 commission reported that Bush and his administration ignored a document that was titled "bin Laden to attack inside US". I'm just throwing that out there.

So if you really feel safe with George Bush, fine go ahead and vote for him. If you don't make over $100,000 a year and feel like you're more at risk to be killed by a terrorist now than ever, then vote for John Kerry. Keep in mind that's the first time I've mentioned his name in this piece. Why? Because he makes too many responsible, knowledgeable decisions. I can't rip on that. C'mon, people.

I'll make this simple for the Bush supporters. Everyone who condones ignorance, arrogance, and bases everything they do on a hopeful assumption, step to the right. Everyone who acknowledges that everything in the previous sentence is retarded, step to the left. Thank you, and God bless.