I did a piece on a really strange "headline" on CNN a week or two ago. Well as I was perusing their website again last night I happened upon a couple more "headlines" that I thought were a) hilarious and b) ridiculous. Here's one:
Abercrombie & Fitch pokes fun at West Virginia, again
I'll give you a minute to skim over that...
Ok, so you see what I mean. You don't? Well read on anyway...ass. How is this news? Firstly, who gives a rat's ass what West Virginia thinks? I certainly don't. They're one of three states I consistently forget exist along with South Dakota and Idaho. Actually, no. I know Idaho now all thanks to Napoleon Dynamite. That movie was pretty damn funny and surprisingly I don't feel that gay about liking Jamiroquai's "Canned Heat".
Anyway, West Virginia, you have no reputation to defend. Get over it. Trying to be proud about being a West Virginian is only slightly easier than proving Iraq was definitely connected with Al Qaeda-9/11. And if you're a die hard Republican and resent that comment, then you can kiss my ass. Ah, but then again you might like that sort of thing. I better not wipe first.
(Yea, that's right. I went there.)
It's just a freakin' shirt, guy. Like the reps at A&F said, it's light-hearted humor. If you can't accept that fact then please, secede. You don't hear me bitching about living in a snotty, rich-people-I'm-actually-in-Connecticut-but-still-call-it-an-NYC suburb do you? No, and that's because I have alcohol to subside that rage. See, Homer Simpson was right - alcohol is the cause of and solution to all of life's problems.
Ok, so here's the second "big story" on cnn.com.
Cuban ships herself to U.S. in wooden crate
God bless America, right? Man, I am F-in' proud to live in a country where people are willing to DHL their asses in a wooden F-ing crate to live here. That is so pimp. What does that say about the country that these people come from then? Cuba, Mexico, Haiti, Dominican Republic, etc? I don't know, but our lawns aren't going to mow themselves. I kid, I kid. No, no...but it's still funny to see how every few months there's a story like this. Some refugee finds a new way to (try to) get to U.S. soil. Rafts, inner tubes, wooden crates, Rosie O'Donnell's diaphragm...the list goes on.
Where does it end though? Because each time someone tries a new incredibly creative way to get to America, the INS makes (somewhat of) an effort to look for that from then on. What's next? Oh, snap, I've got it. Have you seen Bad Boys II? These people are going to start shipping themselves in coffins. Man, I just ruined it for them. Now the FBI is going to read this and forward it to the INS and CIA and they're all screwed. So much for that plan.
But if, oh I don't know, "somehow" the CIA screws up and doesn't investigate correctly and this plan actually works for a few desperate refugees, this'll be the funniest story ever. And I've already got the CNN headline - Casket Couples As First Class Credential for 21st Century Castaway
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