Holy crip, it's a crapple! No, wait, it's just another O/U. A few notes before we get started.
Today was the first game of our company softball league. My team, La Famiglia (named after a favorite deli) was taking on The Takeover. By the way, my friend Caleb is on The Takeover and mentioned to me yesterday that his team is "all the black kids." This may strike athletic fear into the hearts of many but our dream team of honkeys took it to 'em. And woo doggy did we whoop 'em. (Feel free to insert your own slavery joke here 'cause I sure as hell ain't.) The final score was 43-0. You read that right. We scored 13 in the first inning alone and played only five innings with the mercy rule in effect. 43 runs in five innings. That's freakin' sweet.
They actually had a couple girls on their team and one of them was white. What she was doing on that team I haven't the foggiest but she was barking out signals like she was their manager...with turrets...on coke. Anyway, she even started laughing at her own teammate when he misjudged a flyball and proceeded to not go after a pop fly in foul ground. Their pitcher made a great effort for it but came up short. Where were you fancypants!? That girl was an uppity, hypocritical bitch.
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Underrated
Spring - Spring is sweet. I can wear t-shirts and shorts again and be comfortable outside. For my people in Florida, well, y'all can eat me. Sitting outside on the porch, shooting hoops (while at work, we have a full scale court by the cafe), playing softball. It's all good in the hood. Spring also means it's getting warm enough out to where an ice cold beer is doubly refreshing.
Civilization - Uh, yea...just read this. Yeeaaaa, I'm gonna have to go ahead and sort of, disagree with that? Yeaaa, I feel America is a slightly better living environment for me and my eardrums.
Nicole Kidman - I went and saw The Interpreter last week. I'll tell you what, I've never really had much of an opinion on Nicole Kidman. I always thought she was just some pretty good looking Australian actress Tom Cruise used to bang without much else going for her. Ok, so maybe she's only a decent actress. But man, she is super fine in this movie. I had never really paid much more than 30 seconds of my attention to her before this movie. I got two hours of her and I was glad I did. The movie itself was above average. It was different and interesting yet a little slow in places. But Nicole, man, she was damn fine. Even my roommate agreed that she looked her best in this movie and he'd never considered her that attractive before. Nicole, congratulations on making my To Do list.
Overrated
The Media/Laura Bush - Ok, skim over this real quick. I don't really have anything personal against Laura Bush. Hell, I really couldn't care less either way about her. But her little "roast" of Dubya was just retarded. Not only do we not need the first lady joking that her husband is a lazy good-for-nothing that leaves his wife "desperate" but everyone in the audience and media thinks this is darling. No, it's not cute and funny. It's stupid. It might be cute and funny if what was said about Bush wasn't true. I'll bet everything Laura said about Dubya is spot on. We shouldn't be poking fun at the fact that Bush does more lounging around than trying to fix problems intellectually and efficiently. It would have been freakin' hilarious if, after she said her little jokes, she looked into the camera and said with a dead straight face, "No seriously, what the f#%k do you do, George? Get your ass in gear." That's comedy.
New York Yankees - Worst losing April since 1991. $205+ million payroll. Psycho owner who hasn't seen a championship in 4+ years. Priceless. F the Yankees and their overpaid "All-Star" lineup. Their average age is like 35 or something. They are one of the oldest teams in the league and they are losing! Like a bunch of inexperienced assmonkeys. I'm loving this so much. If I could watch them lose another 70 games this year I think I might die from glee. I think I'd make boom boom in my pantaloons from laughing so hard. Yea, serious hilarity here.
CPunch - I didn't come through this month for you guys. There's a combination of reasons why I wasn't on par with recent months as far as my productivity is concerned. To be fair to myself, there wasn't a lot of news worth mentioning in my opinion. I suppose I could mention the Georgia runaway bride but who cares? Was anyone really surprised? She probably realized, hey, I'm from Georgia and I'm about to marry my cousin. So, ya know how that goes. But in all seriousness May should be a better month. I'm already working on Unknown Hotties #2. I know you can't wait. And neither can your hand lotion.
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