Love Only Costs A Buck Oh Five

Women are generally jealous and competitive by nature. So it's no surprise that when a guy goes to a club or bar with female friends of the hot variety, he'll usually have far better luck bagging a hottie of his own. This is because girls conclude that if he's with a hottie now, he must be likable and unthreatening...or rich. If you didn't realize that already, then you're probably a Halo 2 junkie who hasn't taken a shower in 3 days and has no respectable prospects on the horizon. You may also be hideously disfigured. But enough about me...

Anyway, apparently there's a new web service that provides such a "wing woman", as it were - aptly titled wingwomen.com. (This guy's original!)

Now since I'm sure you're way too lazy to click on that link and read the story yourself, I'll waste some space here and regurgitate what I just read before deciding to write this article.

Basically you book one of, presumably, many hot women to escort you to bars and such. This girl makes every attempt to help introduce you to the girls you want to meet. That's pretty much it. All this for $50 an hour. There are no tips allowed, however they say buying the girl drinks is appreciated but not mandatory. There's little nitpicky rules like cancellation policies and if you think your girl is butt you can cancel if you call within the first 25 minutes of the evening and this whole "she doesn't have to go anywhere she doesn't feel safe" crap. So I guess you can't take her to a ΠKA (pike) house or...um...Fallujah.

I'll tell ya what though. It's a helluva business idea, however, only really desperate idiots would pay $50 for this. Here's why. If you don't already have hot girl friends, then you probably aren't worth dating to a girl anyway. If you're willing to spend $50 bucks on a "wing woman" you probably don't have the confidence to secure the digits upon meeting said hottie. And if you're buying a girl to help you get laid then A) you're lame and B) that's prostitution by association which has got to break some kind of law. Am I wrong? Did I mention it's lame?

To be fair though, the creator (Shane Forbes) is pretty creative to come up with this idea. And if he can lure enough people to make it profitable then kudos to him. There's apparently two other franchises already set up in Houston and Miami (let the prank calling begin). This means a couple of his college buddies copped the idea to make some bank themselves.

So I found this interesting yet completely useless. Useless because of the reasons I stated two paragraphs above. If it's really hard for you to meet women there's a few options you can choose from:

- Turn gay.

Don't like to smoke pole?
- Move to San Francisco. That place is infested with pillowbiters so you've got the odds!

Scared of fudgepackers (you homophobe)?
- Move to Europe. Euro whor...er, girls love American guys (and their money which you would've spent on a "wing woman" anyway).

Scared of mad cow disease?
- Download porn and wallow in your own self pity. And leave me the hell alone.

We all kosher? Ok, good. Now go get 'em tiger!