Music To My Ears

You know your life is sad when your day revolves around getting up at 1pm, checking your email every 30 minutes and watching a 6 hour marathon of "The Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica".  And personally, I'm ok with that.  With no actual job, this satisfies me just enough so that I don't throw myself into oncoming traffic to kill the boredom and monotony.  And I'll tell you why.  Because Nick Lachey is the funniest sumbitch on television save Seth Macfarlane and Conan O'Brien (both geniuses in their own right).  He is the only reason MTV shouldn't go the way of Anna Nicole's cottage cheese thighs.  

I seriously can't think of any redeeming qualities of MTV besides him.  He is honestly hilarious and he does so by dismissing anything his wife Jessica Simpson says as complete idiocy.  I'm sure you've seen the show.  How can you not?  It's everywhere.  In a given 24 hour programming day it's gotta be on 11 of those hours.  Then there's 3 hours of the "Real World", 3 hours of "Road Rules", 4 hours of "Pimp My Ride", 2 hours of "Ashlee Simpson" and for 1 hour, actual music videos.  Of course these are on at 2am so no one but unemployed schleps like myself ever see it.  
 
It's not so much that I want to kill MTV.  It's just, I don't want it to live... anymore.
 
MTV2 used to be cool.  It showed music videos nearly all the time and by good musicians.  You didn't have horrible pop or wannabe rap shoved down your throat like a Peter North...um...extension.  Yea, let's go with extension.  The only saving grace for MTV2 now is Headbangers Ball hosted by the mighty Hatebreed's lead singer, Jamie Josta. 
 
(By the way, this dude is like 5 feet 7 inches tall or something and he yells into the mic like a pissed off Incredible Hulk...Banner, NOT Bana.)

(NOW...IS THE TIME...FOR ME TO RISE...TO MY FEET!!!)
 
Anyhoo, the Ball got resurrected after a buttload of metal fans kept annoying MTV to bring it back (it was cancelled in 1994) since the only thing on either channel was Britney Spears and NSYNC.  Music television needed its ass kicked into high gear and the Ball did just that with 2 hours of Pantera, Slayer, Lamb of God, Metallica, Slipknot, Killswitch Engage, and many other metal bands' videos.
 
So Viacom, here you are.  The only worthwhile aspects of your two music television channels (Vh1 is only mentionable for "I Love The 80's" reruns) are Nick & Jessica (Without Jessica he wouldn't have the perfect setup guy, or girl in this case.  It's the reality TV equivalent of Mariano Rivera and John Wetteland in '96.  Stupid Yankees.) and Headbangers Ball.  Am I the only one that sees pure television genius right here?
 
By making Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson the new Headbangers Ball hosts, you're giving yourself laughs and good music for 2 solid hours.  It can't miss!  Plus it lets Jamie get back to making vicious metal with his Connecticut bandmates.  This is sheer brilliance.  Who do I contact to get this started?  I mean, it doesn't take much to introduce music videos and anything that comes out of Jessica's mouth begets pure gold from Nick's.  Here's how a segment of the show might go:
 
Nick: Next up we have a video called "As the Palace Burns" by Lamb of God.
Jessica: Wait, the lamb of God?  How could a lamb write a song?  That song doesn't sound very Christian either...
Nick: Thank god you're hot...here's the video.
 
Man, it's bulletproof.  Someone foward this idea to Viacom.